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ABC News
CBS Early Show
CNN
EXTRA
NBC's Today Show
The View,
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The History Of Marriage
To understand how we became a society that reveres long term monogamy, over frequent partner exchanges, you need a little history lesson. And, I mean an ancient history lesson. Here goes. First came the dark ages -- humans roamed in clans as hunters and gatherers. Think: cavemen and cavewomen. Being women, our job was to gather a bounty of yummy fruits, nuts, and veggies. We hooked up with a cute hunter who could bring home great meat. Sometimes we had a baby with him. We kept him during our most vulnerable years -- pregnancy and nursing. He was great protection for us because he was programmed to protect his genes, and well, his genes were attached to our womb and then our boob -- for years. That was before infant formula, Gerber baby food, and food processors. Our breast was the only source of nutrition for infants and toddlers without molars. So we had a tiny mouth latched on for years.
We usually dumped our guy when our kid was about three or four because we wanted to go out with the girls again and besides, he started sharing that meat with too many other women anyway. Then we spotted another cute guy. Now he was a really great hunter. And so on. And so on.
Fast forward a few hundred thousand years. Next came farming and agriculture. Our man planted some seeds and stayed in one place to watch them grow. We hung around for the harvest too and, while on the farm, decided to make ourselves useful. We found that we could make a simple hut into a loving home. He liked that. We stayed with him much longer than we had in the past because we were isolated on a plot of land, and meeting a cute hunter was hard to do. We missed the flock of women who helped with the kids but we still got together for weaving groups, quilting bees, and much later, stock market investment clubs. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Next came industry. Our men hustled off to the mines, the factories, and eventually the office. And they brought home something very unique. Instead of a slain lion, or a bushel of wheat, they came home with a handful of silver coins, or some funny green paper, or a plastic card. All these items held power at the food market. Oh ya, we started going to food markets to get those nuts and things that we used to find all by ourselves. By now we'd forgotten how to be good gatherers. Our grandmothers stopped telling us which root could be poison back when we lived on farms growing the safe kinds. Our men left the farms because they thought it was easier to earn money than sow crops. And where were we? In the house, with some children, working our butt off to make his home a happy one so he would keep us and keep bringing home that green stuff. And I don't mean artichokes. We nicely asked if we could also work in the factories, mines, and offices, but were politely declined. Men were no dummies. They needed someone to stay with their kids. And they needed us to be needy, so we'd stay -- and keep our ovum in their house.
According to feminist historians, both the agricultural age and the industrial revolution disempowered women. We were no longer the central hub of the species, parenting in sisterly sororities of Aunties, Mothers, Grannies and Cousins. By the way, did you know that in modern hunter/gatherer societies (there are still a few today) the gatherers produce more calories on a monthly basis than the hunters do? Yes, women were the backbone of the "survival of the fittest" code for millions of years.
However, back in the agricultural age women were not to be undone. After all, we are smart cookies and not about to be victims for long. If we were going to be holed up in his shanty for a lifetime, we wanted a contract. So we organized a union. That union was made up of the church, the government, and a bevy of snooty society ladies. All parties had an interest in keeping us from abandoning the farm and leaving hungry kids for society to deal with. And so our first official employment contract was drawn up. It was called marriage. It was so official we eventually needed a license, blood tests, and even our own attorney. It was financial protection for us, for life. Okay, he got to put in one clause -- we had to give up the boots at least once. That's called consummating the union. Thankfully most of us liked giving up the boots, (unless they're Monolo Blahniks) so we did it many times over the course of the contract.
And, believe it or not, all that wasn't so long ago. The end result is today's version of marriage. It may or may not involve a church, a courthouse, and a public nod of approval. But, if you don't think that some part of today's man isn't motivated to commit because of societal pressure, you are wrong, girlfriend. Whether it's to please his Mom, or marry in a church because his brother did, or buy his girlfriend a diamond so his friends can see how rich he is, most men are under some subtle societal pressure to commit to long-term monogamy.
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Dr. Wendy Walsh's interest is Attachment Theory, a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory for understanding interpersonal relationships. Dr. Walsh's mission is to help people find true emotional intimacy, have satisfying sex lives, and raise healthy children, in a world where the shape of families, couplings, and communication styles has changed dramatically.
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The Girlfriend Test is the ultimate guide to being a better date and a better mate. It is a chance for women to look at their own dating blunders on the road to commitment. |
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The BoyfriendTest is the definitive tool foir any woman intent on choosing the right man to be her best friend and lover. |
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"Well done, Ms. Walsh! Today I saw your entertaining interview on The Early Show, CBS. You convinced me - at the gym running on the treadmill facing the tv - to check out your website. Tired of narcissistic men (save me please from these assholes), I am planning now to buy your book. Very good interview, sister."
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